So Far, No Good

Wimbledon 1997, so far, has not been much good. As of this writing, Thursday night, 96 matches have been completed. Still more than at the same stage in 1991, when less than 60 matches had been completed. Still, it does not look good. The men's doubles event has already been shortened to best of three set matches, at least till the quarterfinal stage.

Several further plans of action are being considered. Luckily, the concept of shortening the men's singles matches to best of three sets has not been mentioned in earnest yet. If it is, it seems clear that at least the semifinals and the final will be best of five set. This reporter certainly thinks that best of three set matches should never be an option for the men's singles at any Grand Slam event.
Something that has gotten much more serious consideration is to have a second People's Sunday. In 1991 the middle Sunday was used to get through some of the backlog in matches for the first time, and it could happen again this year. To do this, permission is required from the local authorities, mainly the local council. The police would also have their say. The local council seems not to have any serious objections, but the police are not being as positive. They say that the security aspect of the middle Sunday would give them headaches.
I guess that as soon as someone explains to me why the middle Sunday is not normally used at Wimbledon I may be more receptive to that argument by the police.
Of course the issue could become quite moot, if the weather stays as bad as it has been. There would be little point opening the grounds on Sunday if there's not going to be any play anyway because of the continuing incessant rain.

Alan Mills Announces Plans

In an unprecedented move, referee Alan Mills has afforded a lucky few reporters an insight into some of the plans that are being considered to prevent future disaster washouts like the one we have been experiencing. Some of the plans are quite ludicrous:

• Moving the tournament indoors. Clearly, no grand slam should be played indoors.
• Moving the tournament to another country. Again, this makes no sense. The tradition is what makes Wimbledon great, and moving it to another country would destroy that tradition (it may be argued that traditionally the weather was somehow magically quite good during the Wimbledon weeks, but that's another kind of tradition than the one we are discussing here).
• Laying down grass courts on the QE II and sailing her to wherever the weather is good. A most excellent plan, although some of the tradition would again be lost. The main drawback of this plan, however, would be logistics. The QE II does not have an adequate flight deck for the helicopters that would be needed to bring in the strawberries. Also, the helicopter flight is expected to have a serious detrimental effect on the champagne.

Luckily, someone has also managed to come up with a plan that seems most feasible, and has in fact secretly been accepted. It is called "Project Umbrella". The plan states that a giant umbrella shall be constructed, keeping the rain out of the Wimbledon courts. The amount of careful planning that has gone into the plan is obvious from these details:

• The umbrella will be transparent, to let the sun shine through it. Ideally, when it is not raining, the umbrella will be folded. However, since it always rains in England, the umbrella will almost always have to be opened. It takes at least 25 minutes to close it, so by making it transparent, the crowd and the courts will be able to bask in the sun even when the umbrella is opened.
  Sadly, making the umbrella transparent means that the traditional Wimbledon colours of green and purple will only be used in the construction of the middle stand.

• The umbrella will be positioned in the exact middle of Center Court. This is the best way of ensuring that the wind will not sweep in any rain onto the Center Court. Special modifications to the rules have been proposed.
  When the ball hits the umbrella on serve, it will be a let. A special umbrella monitor will be placed right on top of the umbrella. He will announce hits using the words "It hit it, Jim" (officials expect that the crowd will mangle this to "itititjim").
  If the ball hits the umbrella at any other time, play will continue. Boris Becker is expected to complain about this much, except when it works in his favour.